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“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.”
– Lucille Ball  
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  Volume No. 12 Issue No. 2 February 2015  

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Monkey Business
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   If you can’t drive it, don’t steal it
   A robber hailed a cab shortly before 5 a.m. in San Francisco’s Richmond District last week. He asked the driver to take him through Golden Gate Park, where he robbed the cab driver and told him to get out of the car – and walk away. But the robber had to call the driver back when he couldn’t figure out how to operate the Hybrid cab. Now get this: The cabbie told the robber the car was already running and he could just drive away. The robber told the cabbie to walk away again; he ran and called the police. When the cops arrived, the robber was nowhere in sight and the cab was still running!
   
   An easy arrest
   A 22-year-old from West Lafayette, Ind., has a few drinks and decides to go for a drive. He gets sleepy and then decides to find a place to take a nap. He pulls into a parking lot and goes to sleep, with the engine running. But that’s not the punch line – he lives, only to realize he’s napping in the police headquarters parking lot. Momma told me not to drive drunk and park in police lots.
   
   Caskets for Halloween
   A Minnesota coffin shop owner is holding a Halloween sale: full-size coffins for $100. Mike Zoff of Affordable Coffins & Artery in St. Paul makes the wooden coffins in his garage. The business has been so profitable he quit his real estate broker job to sell coffins full-time. Zoff said the coffins are popular as coffee tables, book shelves or holiday decorations – or as Halloween props, or flower boxes, or toy boxes – franchise on the way?


 
  

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