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“Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together.”
– Vesta M. Kelly  
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  Volume No. 15 Issue No. 12 December 2018  

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  Flori-DUH

   In honor of Florida once again botching ballot counts and voting protocols, we’ve included a couple of stories that verify Florida would have fared better if it had remained a swampland. Instead, Florida inarguably hangs by a thread from the mainland, filled with people also hanging by a thread.
   
   Man bicycles to restaurant, gets naked and eats his lunch
   As he was investigating a Nov. 6 break-in at the Chattaway restaurant in St. Petersburg, Florida, a police officer stumbled across an unrelated video, which showed a man riding his bike to the same restaurant in downtown St. Pete. The man had pedaled his bike around the parking lot for 10 minutes and then slipped through the back gate. After wandering around for a bit, he opened the door to a shed for storing odds and ends, and removed them one by one.
   
   The man then walked into the restaurant bathroom, and exited without his clothes.
   
   He then sat naked at one of the restaurant’s picnic tables and proceeded to eat a meal of ramen he had brought with him. When finished dining, he played the bongos (retrieved from the shed) and took off on his bike, still naked.
   
   Amanda Kitto, restaurant manager, said the man had also spray-painted a few chairs (also from the shed), the bongos and a pickle jar — and then put them all back in the shed, quite neatly, she said. Obviously, the restaurant was not open and no one knew the nude bicyclist had been there until the police officer found the video. Just another old dude enjoying his retirement.
   
   Florida’s wildlife is crazy, too
   Late in 2017, a female opossum broke into a Cash’s Liquor after hours and helped herself to some whiskey, then passed out. An employee discovered the hungover opossum the next morning slumped next to an empty bottle in the store. The opossum was brought to the Emerald Coast Wildlife refuge where she was flushed with fluids, then sent to Delray Beach for rehabilitation.
  
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